Second KeyNote Speaker @ SugarCon - the Fake Steve Jobs

Here’s a bunch of the funnier remarks from the Fake Steve Jobs.

  • 3,000 customers, some of those even pay… some of those even pay on time.
  • ‘did you ever notice that guys who are in to Eastern religions are the biggest assholes?’
  • “I don’t hate freedom, it’s like hating freedom!”
  • “Freetards”
  • “If you the biggest thing in your life is that you can’t hack your Tivo, you need to get more things in your life.”
  • “we have crazy right-wing born again people running our country and the thing that gets people crazy is DRM in iTunes?”
  • “You don’t to raise $10 or $20 million dollars to start a company. It’s really bad news for Sun…”
  • “They (SugarCRM) were so excited [about the MySQL Sun deal] that they could hardly contain themselves”
  • The End of Open-Source Culture - talking about how open-source is mainstreamed now. He ripped the title from the article The End f Gay Culture which talks about it mainstreaming.
  • He thinks John will have body guards by the end of next year…
  • “The Cheap Revolutions”
  • Oracle isn’t distributing Linux because they’re nice - it’s cause I think they want to kill Red Hat.
  • on Oracle’s Linux: “You’ve been screwing up my database for a dozen years, so here, let me bend over and you can shove your OS in too…”
  • “The Pyramids of Giza, the Great Wall of China, then Properitary Software.”
  • “We’ll be wow, that really happy.”
  • “Larry’s accomplished everything in his life, except beat Wilt Chamberlin’s record. And I’m not talking about in basketball. [laughter] Some of you got that, right?”
  • “He’s closing in - thanks to Vi-agra”
  • “I think MS and Yahoo coming together is like a taking a hundred yard dash and tying to legs of the 2nd and 3rd place runner together and asking for a rematch”
  • “the new office is like the dashboard of the spaceshuttle”
  • “you have to have help desk and a suicide line”
  • “The problem with the Stalinites don’t buy anything…”
  • They love petitions, but they don’t buy anything.
  • The COO of Delta is the now head of Red Hat? That’s like flying Microsoft
  • I don’t want to joke about Red Hat because I think they might buy you…
  • Red Hat is like the Bermuda Triangle, they buy companies and they’re never heard of again.
  • Question: “You’ve made fun of everyone but SugarCRM. What do you say about them when you’re at other people’s conferences?”
  • “It’s hard to make fun of these guys when they’re on the right side…”

His presentation was suffixed by a “in the 8 point font, these views weren’t necessarily the views of SugarCRM.” :-)